Happy 2010!

Wow, in a flurry of lazy days (I've been slightly sick since Christmas!) I have had recently, I feel like I have a million things I want to remember.

Firstly, WAC. it's a party I have almost annually (skipped last year due to the Wednesday after Christmas being new years eve and I wasn't up for that kind of pressure!) was actually more of a small gathering than a party. No one attends my parties anymore. I blame it on: lack of communication with the outside world on a daily basis on my part, and not making a facebook event until the day before (even though I told people to save the date because I was indeed going to continue the tradition. ) But all of the people there were people I wanted to spend time with, so that was indeed special and good. We made cheap champagne toasts to Ben and Sofie's engagement, drank sangria and Bailey's milkshakes, played a wine trivia game on and off and just hung out.

Secondly, New Year's Eve. (unofficially Date 2 :) )Drink of the night: Amaretto sour. yummm! What I remember most is being extremely cold. All dressed up and kept my coat on the whole time. We went to Emporia so Andrew could spend time with his friend Kyle and so we could marvel at silly new year's eve flirtations. Looked at in pieces, without the new year's kiss, it was at the most, decent. But add that five minutes right before and after midnight, and it was absolutely wonderful. My first new year's kiss! and he made it a good one! Complete with him dipping me while standing right under the balloon drop! (and about 30 seconds before new years he may have almost poked out my eye with his top hat we borrowed from one of my roomies!) and then I kissed two more boys on the cheek, got a plastic cup of champagne, and bent down to pick up a balloon. A bouncer walked by and made some comment about 'more than a new year's kiss!' He was thinking I was bending down for some other less innocent reason than getting a balloon!

New years day and resolutions: I haven't thought these through yet! My most basic are to look good in a swimsuit and all of the new fancy clothes I will buy to get a new fancy job after I graduate as soon as possible! (which will probably be at the end of June instead of the planned May! boo! )

Run a few 5ks

Stay with him until at least summer as per his request and my hope so that we can enjoy some quality Lake of the Ozarks time.

Take care of my friends and relationships more. (dating him has realized how much I can give and support if I just pay attention to what a person needs. Whether it be something simple like a carabiner when they need one (I have too much stuff and love giving away all the crap - especially when it was free!) - or something more valuable - like a listening ear at the right time.) This includes mostly him, my close friends, and my family.

Church activities? Maybe concentrate more on the service activities the church next to my house does - rather than the masses that I rarely attend. And keep going, if I can, to the bible study with my friend RT

Spend more time with kids - mostly cousins. whenever possible.

allow myself to be goofy and do things like make pyramids of snow! (this pyramid was gorgeous for a while, and has now been peed on. Why yes, I do live in a college town!)

Cook more.

And things not having to do with holidays...

I'm reading too many books and am racking up some library fees! I'm still reading Julie and Julia - which is hillarious and light hearted and makes me want to cook!

I also have some good cookbooks I want to dive into! Joy of cooking and Julia Child's Mastering the art of French cooking!

Yesterday I made this basic rice thing I make a lot.

Delicious Chicken, rice, veggie Goop

• Bag of frozen veggies (I prefer California mix of caul, broc, carrots)
• Minute rice
• Cream of Chicken
• Spices (optional)
• canned chicken (optional)

Steam veggies

make rice (minute rice works great)

drain veggies

stir all together in whichever of your pots is bigger.

Wonderfully easy, delicious, filling, and cheap! Makes great leftovers.

Hope your 2010 has been beautiful so far and will continue to be filled with happy thoughts.

Love and great holidays,
J

Missing my special family...

Special Family is a song we sing in the sorority I was in. ( I went inactive a few months back. )All the seniors sing it on the last night of recruitment and we all try our hardest to hold back the tears. Except for the seniors. they cry. they hug. they look at each other as if they will never forget each other for as long as they live.

Rula says I'm still in it. They've got me for life. and she is the most Alpha-Gammy person I know. so I'm gonna believe her, even if they took my badge. And I'm going to 're-instate my membership' or at least try to.. after this year.

Life is so good. but it's not as balanced as I want it to be. When conversation turns to the sorority [I'm on a mini-cation with 3 gals from my sorority to the hometown (hutch) of one of my favorite people ever] I either want to strangle them [RA, KW, JD] for getting so worked up about stuff that really doesn't matter.. or I want to be singing special family. And neither of those are things that will happen. I will not strangle. I will not sing. And it's no fun to imagine things that can't happen. I'm still amazed that just typing the words special family makes me want to cry. I miss it.

my roommies before they started hating me. I just can't help but wonder if that had gone better.. If I had been a better roommate, would I still be in AGD?

Rachel and I @Pi Kap where else can you find this kind of stuff except for @frat houses?

Only my Alpha Gams are up for going to the bars after our last class of the semester.

I love bop it.

sorority girls taught me how to go out. and now no one wants to go out and stay till close with me. and dance. and just have the best time. god, this night was so good.

Semi formal. The last good dance. it was so good. I want to take my boy to the dances.

oh slutty halloween.

This is how my sister saw me.

frat party for the win! this is at theta chi! the best party i went to freshmen year was there! it was so fun and I believe I slid down the roof in a skirt.

One of the best feelings ever is for someone to tell you that you were their rush crush. I love my krista.

In/out. wow.

roomies.

matching outfits. Sweet home alpha gamma. Love.

"When i think too much i stop breathing and when i stop breathing i get hiccups. So if i ever hiccup around you, you know i had a deep thought about 4 seconds before"-jen

Love and deep thoughts that cause hiccups,
J

also. I'm at The Metro coffeeshop in hutch. I like.
and I just found a good way to study. using notecards and pretty pens. and I forgot to bring enough notecards and it makes me angry.
When I think of the people I want to know forever, not just see every once in a while. people I want to KNOW. some of these, I'm already failing at knowing.My mom. My sisters. The rest of my Vanlerberg family. Angela. Noelle.
Q. Bop it. Audrey. Kourtney. Krista. Rula. Melliot. Roslyn. Alison W. Kelsey G. Em W. Anne'. Anya. Manderson. Kels S. Victoria. Catie. Alyssa J. Sam N. Shawn. Whit. Sara. Ben. Sofie. Dara. Danielle.Andrew. Jessica C. Jen K. Chad. Amanda. Crabaugh. Laura D. Trent. Bryan M. Barf. Saritica. Aysia.
Laura D. the J Crew (Nick, Julian, Jake especially) Oasis. Cam. Lee. Cough. Sue. I'm sure there's so many more. I've been so lucky to meet so many great people. This was supposed to be just about AGD, oops!

More photos.




aww! my Alpha Gam fam plus Sam! best addition evar!

so ya. that's my 10.Thats the reason today sucks. I want to sing special family. I want to be a part of AGD again and it's too late. I wish they would have allowed me to be inactive for one semester. but they wouldn't.

90. good parts. I'm in hutch and I missed Rach so much. so thats awesome. This is probably the best summer I've ever had. I'm glad I have been a part of something that I care about so much (AGD) that it's breaking my heart a little. I'm happy. healthy. feeling good.

Love at the deli?

scene:taking a to go order
What can I get you
French dip
uhm, is that a Po'boy, let me check - hey will? oh, that's a beefeater, okay
and a drink mumble mumble (didn't hear what kind of drink and then forgot to charge him for said drink)
7.07 please - on a card, allright, would you like a receipt? no, okay.


scene: a few minutes later, see sandwich, bag it up, hand it to him by the benches
Here's your french dip *big smile* have a nice day!
*leaves
*will holds up au jous.
oh man, I forgot the dip for the french dip! *grabs au jous and looks around outside for boy.. see him getting into his car.. fast walk/jog over*
excuse me, sorry I forgot the dip for your french dip! I just saw the sandwich was ready and forgot the dip! sorry!

scene: a few minutes later, me talking to emily and robin - trying to tell a story - *see boy coming back in the store*
'oh no, did I forget something else?'
*shyly* uhm, can I talk to you for a minute? *we walk over a bit from the register... I look over my shoulder at emily nervously* I think you're really cute and if you'd like you should call me sometime *hands me torn receipt with his name and number on it
*blushes
*leaves
emily: awww! *hugs me* Love at the Deli! you should call him
uhm, *trying to unsuccessfully change topic back to story I was telling* *blushes
rest of coworkers : yaaa you should call him! that's so cute!
robin : he looked kinda earthy and you seem down to earth, you should totally call him!
*more blushing*

Love phone numbers and french dip ,
J

Position.

So Positioning is one of the 4 basics of marketing (along with Price, Place (distribution), and Promotion)

When a consumer thinks of buying something - the position of the product is important because you want to be the product that is on the top of their mind. You want to place yourself or your product in the correct file folder.

In order to do promotion, you have to figure out what you want your position to be. Not only for products, but also for yourself. When you look for a job and go to an interview, you have to know how to promote yourself and to do that - you have to know what benefits you have - why you are best for the job.

So maybe now that I've had a marketing class - social situations become opportunities.

I meet my new roommates - what is it that I want them to know - how do I want them to see me. I get a fresh slate - so what is that slate going to say.

I also figured out today that my most recent crush (CM)(still trying to get over him, although I feel like I'm almost there.. and sometimes I feel like I am over him) but he's got a talent for positioning. He is often top of my mind. When I have back pain - I remember he was a massage therapist. I've only seen his car once - but it's small and white - so when i see a car matching that description - I often check to see if it's him. There are a lot of small, white cars out there. My favorite coffee shop - a place he took me to first.

I wish this was organized better - just had to write it down. I realized it while I was running and went by his house - just how hard it is to not think about him because he's done such a good job positioning himself. uhm.. twss. anyways..

I want to position myself as a strong independent woman who isn't the girl who gets upset when a boy doesn't call, because the boy always calls. I want to be sexy and not just cute, not always act as innocent. But I would rather be seen as innocent than slut. so I guess I need to find a middle ground.

The other problem - I lost my only solid position - the photo girl. I don't even have a small camera. position fail.

Love and positions, oh wait.. that sounds bad! haha
J

I miss having a crush on a boy. I have no one right now. and it just makes life seem less hopeful. less hopeful of being normal girl who isn't the one sitting in the back of the minivan lamenting why she is the only one who has never had the telltale hickey.

I don't even have a crush on CM anymore and it just sucks to not have someone to hope for, ya know?

I'm tipsy - had a good night but wish i could have danced more.

i hope i dont reach 22 without being kissed - which is totally plausible. because that would make me feel lamer than lame, which is pretty lame.

Love and alcoholic beverages,
J

Spanish Memorabilia!

I went to Spain in 2004 and one of my favorite photos (well besides the party gutter!) was of this church. I didn't remember what it was called until my friend Dara posted photos of it today, it's in Barcelona and is called the Sacred family Temple. What makes this part that I photographed so special is its one of the only places where Jesus is depicted on a horizontal cross instead of a vertical standing one.

It's also notable that the guards look like the dudes in star wars.



this is one I took at a fountain. I also forget the name and city but it plays music and the water goes along to the music. I remember being slightly disappointed that a lot of the music was in English! I also remember a side comment from CA about how this was a romantic spot and how I blew it off at the time but then spent far too long wondering if he meant anything by it.


Oh man! The Spanish sure know how to party! I can't beleive we spotted this treasure of a gutter, but I HAD to take a picture!


And this last one I have on my wall is a painter capturing a plaza area perfectly. One of the best parts about spain was the art- art was everywhere!!



this is a small painting I bought on one of the last days in an outdoor market with lots of vendors. I bought a few, wish I would have bought more. They were originally supposed to be gifts but I never could part with any of them!

That outdoor place was also where I bought a necklace I still wear sometimes.. but am too lazy to go get to take a pic of :)

Well I guess I have one more thing from Spain on my walls - This is a painting I bought in Ronda, Spain the second time I visited. My sister was studying abroad there, so this would have been in 2006. It looks like a real painting but it's actually a print and then someone added texture to it, but I love it!

And I also have a sword that is hella sweet that I got in Spain.. but I can't get a good pic of it without me in it and I look like crap. slept farr too much last night and it was wonderful! After a crazy busy day of tests, I deserved it!


Sooo.. This blog isn't actually that long because it's mostly photos.. but I'm gonna keep rambling because something really exciting happened! through the amazingness of Craigslist I found a home! that's right folks, I won't be homeless next year! The house is super close to campus, the girls seem amazing and the address ends in 1/2 (how amazing is that!) There are some downsides, I would be sharing the attic room, which sounds a lot worse than it is!
I really want to make a may day basket and ding dong ditch them and say 'can I be your roomie?' but I'm not sure if I'm that brave. I feel kinda like its a fancy way to ask someone to prom.. I'm not sure if they're the type to appreciate it or think I'm crazy.

also - It's the last day of BEDA. I will continue to post of course because I am addicted to the idea of the B-log.
and, words of affirmation are kinda the best thing ever.. I asked a friend , who is a guy, about the whole if he hasn't called thing. and this was a much more charming and kind answer that I ever would have expected. thanks PC.
'If i was really interested in a girl, i would have asked for her number and called her...i don't think you should waste your time on a guy like this when there is a ton of other great guys out there. You will find the perfect guy eventually and you will know it because he will want to talk and hang out with you"
boys sometimes don't realize that their input, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, can be so appreciated. The feeling of having these guys (AR was actually way helpful too! even if his advice was to in nicer words, grow a pair and text him) encouraging or giving me advice is currently better than having an actual boy.
And either way, it was a fun night. So I might text him, but my heart will be more guarded. I'm going out tonight, so maybe he'll get a text to come accompany me and buy me drinks :)

What is it in our DNA that makes us freak out so much when a boy doesn't call right away?
I should have listened to "He's just not that into you" and not given out my number. We have mutual friends. He could have found me easily or gotten my number from Jen if he actually wanted to call me. But I was tipsy and my simple decline to not give my number was quickly overturned by just a bit of persuasion.

It would just be better to try to hang out again through them and not put it up to one or the other to call them. Grr! Yesterday was so happy just remembering how fun wednesday was and how I felt hot, to put it bluntly.

I hate technology and free time. I already facebook stalked and googled him. I'm a creeper.

I had a good night. if I don't get called, whatever. it was fun. I got a free drink out of it. if we see each other again - I'm not gonna be a girl about it and be all upset he didn't call. for my own good, I need to not think about this and just let things go like they will.

I'm also not sure if this is the same guy jen tried to set me up with earlier and then i freaked about it. man, I suck. i just want a boy for a little while. I like having someone to dance with. I like having someone to talk to. I like this boy.

Love and Jackie O,

note: If I would have put more effort into this, I would have realized I had the light on the wrong side. dangit.

Dear wednesday nights of going out,
thank you for friends who make an effort to call and want to hang out.
thank you for friends who have friends who happen to be boys who happen to flirt with me and make me feel awesome.
ya, just thanks. you rock.
also, wednesday, please help me wake up for my class on thursday.

Friends, love, and new crushes,
J

BEDA 17

again, no time.

last night was awesome. bars, friends, boys, and jacuzzi. how much better can it get?
saw:
JA- jump on the bandwagon. thats not going anywhere. its a bandbox
JCr-
KP-


need to call
JCa
JA
TT

tonight : Kali's bday and/or angry telephone concert :)


gosh, what an articulate post! and yes, the sleeping was due to staying out late.. i didnt even get tipsy.. tho i may have acted it! too busy takin care of the bday girl :)



edit/ work was good, made an okay amount of tips - some of which i plan on spending tonight at the bars again!
im in a mood. what kind of mood i'm not sure. it was bad-ish earlier because my eyes were being allergic and i was just tired - but caffeine helped and now im feeling allright. about to go run with a guy i met at a party last year - oh the wonders of facebook statuses. might run a 5k sunday.

have a good night all. love the life you live.

and love the people you love. that sounds dumb, but really. let people know you appreciate them. I'm reading the 5 love languages book<< see sidebar. I've looked at the 5 love languages model a lot since my sister read the book a few years ago. .. its an awesome thing about how people absorb love in different ways. If their love language is touch, a hug could mean the world.. or if it isn't... it could just be a motion or an unwanted gesture. even if you would appreciate a hug, they might now.. idk.. I'll write more about it later.

BEDA 15

Today I was far too productive! Burned pictures onto a CD from my cousins wedding (in october of 2007) to send to her. And then burned a CD of pictures for my sorority sister who moved after freshman year and then lost all her photos - her mom asked us to send her photos and even gave us CDs to send them on. I forgot. that was 2 years ago. Wow, I suck. I'm blaming most of it on the whole not having a working CD drive for 3 years thing...

I also deep cleaned my room last night (it was a disaster!) I meant to clean for 15 minutes and then run and then sleep.. but I ended up cleaning until 3am and then waking up in time for my 8am class. I rock. And now I'm running on coffee, about to go actual running.. but thought I would do my BEDA first while I still have energy!

I promised Dara I would write about Spain.. specifically the part about the trip home. Here it is to the best of my memory!

In 2004 I went on a school trip to Spain for 10 days. There was a group from Kansas (us, we had about 30 kids) a group from oregon (they had about 12, 1 boy, 11 girls!) and another group who wasn't important. All together about 50 high schoolers traveling around together.
So let's do a brief summary of the wednesday night discoteca (on the 2nd or 3rd day of the trip) and then skip through to the airport.

On wednesday night Nikki D. decided she was going to give me a makeover. I didn't wear makeup. I was pretty much opposed to it. (just ask Angela!) But I wanted to look nice, it was Spain and I was trying new things. One of the boys in our group came to our hotel door and I answered it, all made up and wearing my cute new shirt from forever 21, he didn't recognize me at first and it was the best feeling! I felt so pretty and confident.

I sat next to an Oregonian on the bus there, Marianne, and we talked the whole time. When we got to the boat the discoteca was on the Oregon boy, Chad A, came to join our chat and we hit it off right away. He had a girlfriend. He asked her out on the swings and I thought that was the most adorable thing ever. It was Spain. He lived in Oregon. He had a girlfriend. He was safe. I'm still really shy and awkward around guys I like.. so this was a chance to not be.

We hung out the rest of the trip and this was the summer of Neff(thats a whole 'nother story of a best friend who now hates me...), so I had a lot of issues and he made me talk about it and we sang disney songs and it was just an awesome time.

airport. I don't know why we were running late, probably the long customs line.. but we were waiting to get to our plane home to the US and after we got through customs they said oh.. your plane is at this time, it's already done boarding and it's all the way across the airport, you'll just have to wait until the next flight.

At this point one of the girls broke down. She had been homesick almost the whole trip (except for when she got drunk for the first time ever on the sangria we made!) and had had so many problems like not being able to use her card, so her parents had to send money to her and they were closed or something and she didnt have any money the first half of the trip.. anyways.. she broke down about how she just wanted to go home and we were all behind her, some of the other girls were starting to tear up too- it was an emotional trip, a stressful day.

so the customs man let us through and told us to hurry but we probably wouldn't make it! So we ran through the airport. I don't think you understand! We SPRINTED! I took my flip flops off, held on to my bag and felt like I was running in a race. And yet I still had time to laugh. We all looked so ridiculous. No one was on the moving sidewalks and some guys hopped over onto it to run faster because they didn't realize it was there until they were halfway past it. I remember being behind sean who liked to wear his pants a little baggy, he was half running half limping and holding his pants up. It was amazing.

So we made it just in time. once we were on the plane we switched around a bit. Sean was on one side of me and it was supposed to be a teacher on the other side I think.. but she moved back to sit with the teacher from oregon.. which meant my new friend Chad got to sit next to me. This was after we had said goodbye to each other a million times, hugging each time because we never knew when we were going to separate for real and he would go off to Oregon and I would go to Kansas. Those were the best hugs. That was the best run. Only like 3 of our group didn't make it onto the plane, so they just got the next trip home. but we made it. and it was awesome. and no one's pants fell down.

As we landed in the US, we had to put our trays up. I think we were still on the coast.. not Kansas, but I remember it was the last leg of the trip we were traveling with the Oregon group. Sean had been sleeping on his tray, and with lack of tray he groggily laid his head on my left shoulder. Chad hadn't been sleeping as much.. but he laid his head on my right shoulder. I guess I make a great pillow.

I love good memories. Now off to run and nike+it up! i love my touch!
edit/ I ran 3 miles, gearing up to hopefully do a 5k on sunday if I can find someone to run it with me -todays time: 35 min. and I can do better, i walked a lot. but i definitely got a workout!!! it was so nice outside that I laid out afterwards and read a book, it was awesome.
also - today is KW's 21st so we will hopefully go out in about 45 minutes for a drink or 2 :) too bad she has homework :( and I do too! off to finish my wall street journal articles, I'm proud of the ones I found!

He's just not that into you.

I thought through the intro.

I smiled through the ENTIRE first chapter. (mostly because it was OH SO FAMILIAR AND DEAD ON CORRECT! damn excuses!)

and the 2nd chapter, I thought again... regretfully... If only I had known this two weeks ago. If only I had known this 2 years ago!! For CM, for AF. neither one was that into me.

I'm excited to finish listening to it (I have the audiobook from the library.. I love libraries!) and I'm excited for the movie.

also downloaded about 40 songs of this list of around 100 - at this blog, a Penny for them

Favorite new songs

Sari - Nellie McCay - Had her song Won't U please be nice (which is HILLARIOUS!) already

The Green Fields of France - Dropkick Murphys - from the list on penny for them

links are to youtube vids of the songs

I'm feeling a lot better. Things aren't perfect. But I'm making new goals.

no more murky. no more grey. and that's a promise to me.

Tonight - I studied a LOT! felt good to get things accomplished. Missed church. will make it a point to go next week and possibly start up the rosary thing again this week.

Semi formal

I'm in the polka dots, my date is on the end.


I had an amazing time. He's a good date.


Ever heard of love languages? Quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation.
for more info : Learn the love languages.

The point is that people feel loved differently. A hug to one person might mean the world and to another might be uncomfortable. Some people would rather you do a simple chore for them that tell them they are wonderful. It just all depends on the person.

My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. Mostly touch. and I don't get it enough. I used to get a lot of hugs from my high school friends.. but my college girls- they dont understand that that is my love language. and well, I don't have boys very often. And at this dance we danced close, he put his arm around me, held my hand, and I got an awesome hug goodbye.

It was nice. really super nice. to have someone touch me. (and I know that sounds weird.. but really.. just hugs and hand holding and little things.. they just make my day brighter.) I felt like a girl. and that was nice. being the never been kissed 21 year old, sometimes I don't feel so girly, so pretty. He made me feel pretty.

The point is that this makes me feel good. it was a wonderful wonderful night filled with big smiles, tasty drinks, and un-awkward conversations.

I don't know if I like him. I don't know if he likes me.
Right now, I enjoy his company and he enjoys mine. and we both had a good time. that's enough for me.

We need 4 hugs a day for survival.
We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance.
We need 12 hugs a day for growth.

Virginia Satir