Required Reading

My sister writes (well, used to write) for a compilation blog that her friend Sam started, This Ordinary Day.
Sam vehemently protests that she did not start a blog, as she sees that as a negative thing. (btw I love that google spells better than me. vehemently.)
TOD is a compilation of people from all over who know one another somehow who write about ordinary successes and optimistic things. Many or all of them are journalism or english majors or teachers.

This is my sister on TOD. I think she's a pretty amazing designer and writer when she puts her mind to it. And so do most people she meets. She's kinda a genius.
And this is Susan, Cough. (said with a long oh, like coke w/o the ke) She is one of the best people I know for so many reasons. She has affected so many people I know, including me. and her writing, though uncommon, is beautiful, poignant, and touching. Her writing is rare because she spends her time helping young people write and helping them put together beautiful publications and put together their own lives. She was my high school journalism teacher.

If I had to assign required reading. I would require you to read some of Susan's TOD's. I would require anyone who knows my sister or anyone who has ever been mean to someone about something they love, especially when they are trying to do a good thing.. to read her Jayplay article about Trego. I would require the reading of John Green's novels, especially Looking for Alaska and Paper Towns. I would require Harry Potter, well because I love it. And I would require "Don't sweat the small stuff for teens" especially the chapter on 90-10.

And I wouldn't require my blog. I appreciate so much when people actually read this - even if I'm a bit perturbed at first when I didn't know you'd been reading. But reading this is like a gift to me, a chance to try to understand me a little better. And I'm trying really hard not to expect so much. Mostly for my own good, but also so I learn to appreciate people better for who they are and not who I want them to be for me. But that's another entry.

Love, optimism, and good quotes,
J

another good TOD:
I'm not a runner, but I've been trying to practice lately. I'm a Catholic, but I've been getting out of practice lately. (Last time I went to church was easter and last time I prayed was when I needed something.) So TOD's entry here made me smile. made me want to run. made me want to pray and read the bible.


Thoughts to expand on later:
Someone once told me that staying happy was the ultimate endurance.
I have always struggled with this because I truly put a high importance on staying happy and cheerful for both my benefit and the benefit of those around me.

I expect less from my guy friends, I think this is why I prefer hanging out with them. They don't let me down, not because they are more reliable at all, but because I expect less.

I'm a huge fan of finding out that more people I know have blogs. I feel like it's much harder to share a blog with a person who doesn't have one. it just feels strange to put yourself out there and not be able to see what parts of themselves they would put up there.

also.. I really like this song

Looking for ways

Today I wrote down this quote from the book I'm reading, Ask Again Later by Jill Davis . Only a bit in, but I like it a lot, It's a little too easy to read. but I like the wording, very succinct.

"I was looking for ways to enhance my life without changing anything significant. "

This is how I feel right now. Life is not great, but I know that it has been and could be different. I know that I want to love the life I live.

I want to be able to inteact with people better. My coworkers, my friends, my family members, boys, baristas.

I want to be as stylish as my TA that I just saw walk into the shop next door to my coffee venue. (Vedrana, my Business Law TA from last semester. She made me want to go to Law school, which I just might do.)

I want to be able to concentrate better on my schoolwork, in and out of class. And find ways to fill my time when I don't have a lot to do that doesn't involve this wonderful computer.

I want to be able to concentrate on offline things for long periods of time. I can spend all day updating my website and archiving things online, but 10 minutes of Econ and I'm bored. This is a problem.

I want my abnormal psychology class to not make me self diagnose. Today we talked about people who are depressed , very mildly but almost constantly and always blame their sadness on life, not chemicals in the brain. And lately (since about October) I've been a lot sadder than I usually am... and have had a harder time dealing with little conflicts that I would usually just brush off and go back to my optimism. and I don't know.. I used to think depression was over-diagnosed, but I'm not used to doing normal tasks and having to hold back tears. And I've got a history of abnormal behavior in my family. and I just don't want to be my dad. And I don't know if it would be ridiculous to pursue this, but maybe drugs for a bit would help. Maybe I need it and treating it now could help so the other craziness won't come out. I don't want to be abnormal, but maybe I am. and maybe that's okay, as long as I take care of it and don't let it become who I am.

I want people to understand that I need affirmation and that I want to spend time with them, without me having to say so. Or maybe just learn to say so without feeling creepy.

I want to have better handwriting

I want to have more random unplanned adventures probably with the bop it girls. I want to go urban exploring and play in fountains and have random games of flag football.

I want to find a home for next year maybe on Mass street with one or two of my friends. People like Q, KT, or RA, people I can confront without wondering if they will hate me for it. Someone I feel comfortable being blunt with. Or could get to where I do. And who can get to be comfortable being blunt with me. face to face. No textual communication allowed. (update May 9-09 I found a place to live! )

People don't read this often - but if you do - what are some things you'd like to be able to change in your life - even if it meant changing something significant.


One Sentence of the day: My oldest sister once curiously asked my Grandma Helen why her phone number was written on her arm.

F**** my life of the day: Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

7 habits.

I've been reading Seven Habits for highly effective people.

I'm through the intro and just finished habit 1: Be PROACTIVE.

It talks a lot about how responsibility is response-ability. It's your ability to choose the way you respond to things.
This is something I really need to work on. A lot of not so great things have happened to me recently, but they only happened to me because I am allowing them to happen to me.

I'm not saying I could have avoided being in the car wreck, but I am saying that I could have let it not ruin my trip. I'm ashamed that I let it ruin a good time. I'm ashamed that I let it be me that week.
"So yooou're the friend that got in the car wreck." Ya, that's me. But everything and everyone is fine. That's what I told people, but inside I wasn't fine. I wasn't letting myself be fine. And I expected people to realize I wasn't fine and do something for me to make me feel better. They didn't. Apparently I'm pretty good at acting like everything is fine. And it should have been.

Has something happened to you lately that you felt you couldn't control it - here's a tip - you can. You can control how you feel about it and be proactive in making sure the situation improves. You can't always choose the consequences of your actions, but you can be proactive in making them be better.



It also talks about expanding your circle of influence in your life. You can't fix everything, but you can widen the amount of things under your control.


God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Also - it's not that I didn't appreciate some of the responses to the car wreck, I just pushed most of them away. I let Chad worry for 2 seconds, and was grateful that he did. I let Nick hug me. those were the best.

So try and be proactive and not just worried about other's responses or efforts to fix things. Like right now, I'm gonna be proactive. I'm gonna get dressed in time to get a pancake.

Semi formal

I'm in the polka dots, my date is on the end.


I had an amazing time. He's a good date.


Ever heard of love languages? Quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation.
for more info : Learn the love languages.

The point is that people feel loved differently. A hug to one person might mean the world and to another might be uncomfortable. Some people would rather you do a simple chore for them that tell them they are wonderful. It just all depends on the person.

My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. Mostly touch. and I don't get it enough. I used to get a lot of hugs from my high school friends.. but my college girls- they dont understand that that is my love language. and well, I don't have boys very often. And at this dance we danced close, he put his arm around me, held my hand, and I got an awesome hug goodbye.

It was nice. really super nice. to have someone touch me. (and I know that sounds weird.. but really.. just hugs and hand holding and little things.. they just make my day brighter.) I felt like a girl. and that was nice. being the never been kissed 21 year old, sometimes I don't feel so girly, so pretty. He made me feel pretty.

The point is that this makes me feel good. it was a wonderful wonderful night filled with big smiles, tasty drinks, and un-awkward conversations.

I don't know if I like him. I don't know if he likes me.
Right now, I enjoy his company and he enjoys mine. and we both had a good time. that's enough for me.

We need 4 hugs a day for survival.
We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance.
We need 12 hugs a day for growth.

Virginia Satir

Smiling <3

Jackie switched away from pirate language, and realizes that UK english is more polite. They want to know what I am doing this moment, not RIGHT NOW lol ♥ . 21:31 - Comment

I just smiled at something completely ridiculous and not really that exciting.
---- For status updates it asks me what I am doing at this moment (in UK), instead of What are you doing right now!!!(in US)

I'm still a bit red from a few minutes ago when a boy at signs (coffee venue of awesome) made a little <3 out of his fingers at me.. he's younger than me but I've always thought he was a pretty cool guy, it made me smile.

I like my coffee shop and how I don't mind that I dont look that nice right now, curled up on a chair typing away with my mouth open.

I can't keep my mouth closed when I'm typing because I'm too stuffed up to remember how to breathe and type at the same time. fail.

I'll write some stuff I wrote in the margins of my notes later
when I was here last night the conversation next to me was interesting in an unreal way, I don't know how to explain it, it just gave me perspective, I like eavesdropping

I know this happy probably won't last for very long, but in this moment, I can truly say I am joyful.


This is from a quote I got from twitter iheartquotes
photo from :: here I love her artistic view, and the weird stuff she photographs together! I'll use more of her photos later

90-10 and expectations.

"Knowledge of 90-10 doesn't make the 10 irrelevant."

New Years:Birthdays:first kisses. All have high expectations.*

first today was the first day I got asked for a kiss.

Well, a drunk guy once told me "I can tell by the intensity in your eyes that you totally want to get on me right now" but thats as far as he got. this poor guy didn't get far either.

My first kiss will not be with someone I met a few hours earlier. It will be perfect.

First kisses are to New Years are to birthdays. They all have such big expectations. Like, that your friend won't abandon you for some guy at a party.

feeling What started out as a dispiriting couple hours of 2008, turned out quite okay. I <3 my g-dot!

Moment Went to visit my g-dot Shawn today. We colored pictures and I got to see some of her life. It's always pretty sweet to get a view of someone in their home when you're used to only seeing them in one type of environment.

Small world. She had her senior photos taken by my cousin Heather Morrow

quote "In the contemporary world where things fall apart and the center cannot hold, you have to imagine a community where there is no center." - John Green (partially courtesy of william butler yeats)

Toast.Here's to a new year with our favorite brothers. A new year of being proud nerds forming an amazing new community!

Resolutions
I have quite a few.
1.Mind
A. Study
B. Organize
c. Read (a book a month)
d. Write
E. Job: (apply, work, resume)

2. Body
A.Sit ups(25 a day)
B. Stretch
c. Cardio(once a week at least)

3. Soul
A. Pray
b. Church
c. Practice faith
d. boys (learn to flirt , kissed by 21!)
e. friends (keep relationships, make new -- one is silver and the other gold!)


: = is to. ::=as
i/e
letter:envelope::chocolate:box
read:
letter is to envelope as chocolate is to box)


another quote from way back:
"Curbs can be very interesting. But they can be very bad. Curbs keep us back. True, they are good in the sense that they keep the traffic off of sidewalks, but they keep the people away from the street. We are one big world stuck on different curbs. There are race curbs, religion curbs, sex curbs, friendship curbs etc. and we keep ourselves to one. We are to scared to cross the street and introduce ourselves to the person on the other side. Don't limit yourself to one curb. There are other people on other curbs that are interested in the same tv show as you, or same food as you, or believe in the same things and those are the people you want to know. Those are all reasons for building friendships. Starting off with one common interest and expanding it into something deeper. Go deeper into a friendship that noone has ever accomplished but Jesus. Get to know someone, really well. What do they like, what do they hate, what is their family members names, any past pets, everything. Don't be scared. How incredible would it be to know that someone out there really knows who you are. Someone out there would know just how to cheer you up, they would know how to handle things because they know you. Try it. It seems impossible but it will only take time. Step off the curb and introduce yourself to new people, you might be suprised."

written BY LAUREN MCCORD