Looking for ways

Today I wrote down this quote from the book I'm reading, Ask Again Later by Jill Davis . Only a bit in, but I like it a lot, It's a little too easy to read. but I like the wording, very succinct.

"I was looking for ways to enhance my life without changing anything significant. "

This is how I feel right now. Life is not great, but I know that it has been and could be different. I know that I want to love the life I live.

I want to be able to inteact with people better. My coworkers, my friends, my family members, boys, baristas.

I want to be as stylish as my TA that I just saw walk into the shop next door to my coffee venue. (Vedrana, my Business Law TA from last semester. She made me want to go to Law school, which I just might do.)

I want to be able to concentrate better on my schoolwork, in and out of class. And find ways to fill my time when I don't have a lot to do that doesn't involve this wonderful computer.

I want to be able to concentrate on offline things for long periods of time. I can spend all day updating my website and archiving things online, but 10 minutes of Econ and I'm bored. This is a problem.

I want my abnormal psychology class to not make me self diagnose. Today we talked about people who are depressed , very mildly but almost constantly and always blame their sadness on life, not chemicals in the brain. And lately (since about October) I've been a lot sadder than I usually am... and have had a harder time dealing with little conflicts that I would usually just brush off and go back to my optimism. and I don't know.. I used to think depression was over-diagnosed, but I'm not used to doing normal tasks and having to hold back tears. And I've got a history of abnormal behavior in my family. and I just don't want to be my dad. And I don't know if it would be ridiculous to pursue this, but maybe drugs for a bit would help. Maybe I need it and treating it now could help so the other craziness won't come out. I don't want to be abnormal, but maybe I am. and maybe that's okay, as long as I take care of it and don't let it become who I am.

I want people to understand that I need affirmation and that I want to spend time with them, without me having to say so. Or maybe just learn to say so without feeling creepy.

I want to have better handwriting

I want to have more random unplanned adventures probably with the bop it girls. I want to go urban exploring and play in fountains and have random games of flag football.

I want to find a home for next year maybe on Mass street with one or two of my friends. People like Q, KT, or RA, people I can confront without wondering if they will hate me for it. Someone I feel comfortable being blunt with. Or could get to where I do. And who can get to be comfortable being blunt with me. face to face. No textual communication allowed. (update May 9-09 I found a place to live! )

People don't read this often - but if you do - what are some things you'd like to be able to change in your life - even if it meant changing something significant.


One Sentence of the day: My oldest sister once curiously asked my Grandma Helen why her phone number was written on her arm.

F**** my life of the day: Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML