TFLN: If only my nights were this good!

way amazed that I fit into this dress again! i wanna go out dancing!


(570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
(1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911


(410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
(443): wasted?
(410): im pocohantasssss


(434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
(540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

(971): I have two black x marks on my hands.
(503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
(971): damnit I wish I could remember that.

(720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.


(714): we're chasing vodka with high fives

(209): dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
(1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

(734): i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.


(612): you guys were way drunker than both of me


(918): Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
<<< this popo was prob trying to get there before the 2-4 happy hour was over.. he wanted his damn half price drink!

(850): TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
(407): i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.

(214): dude. I'm so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce's mom
(214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
(972): pete, this is still bryce's mom

(619): i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.


(843): plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.


(818): Jake died.
(310): WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
(818): Oops typo. Jake cried

(810): Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
(616): What?!?
(810): What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police

Love and TFLNs,
J